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This book is a godsend

I'm on my third back-to-back read and can't get enough. I feel so validated and seen by her perspectives. All this time I  thought I was the only one going through these things. I've been able to put everything into practice right away and for the first time in my dating life I feel empowered  thank you so much for writing this!

L.M. Long Island USA

An important book for our time

Someone had to be the first to write a book on this topic and Nischa Phair has done it with such impressive sensitivity and brilliant insight into an incredibly complex subject. I highly recommend this book, not just to anyone looking to improve their dating/intimate life but also to gain helpful insight on how our nervous systems work in relationships!

A.D. Toronto, Canada

Everything makes sense now

My mind was blown by the end of the introduction. This book explains everything about why I've struggled with intimacy after assault. With compassion and levity, Phair lays it all out while offering easy, accessible tools for lasting change. A real gift for survivors.

N.W. London, UK

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What if I told you...

that almost every annoying habit you experience in dating and relationships wasn’t your fault.

The boundary issues, self-abandonment, people-pleasing and missing red flags. All the second-guessing and trying to seem chill and easy-going. And the playing nice in bed to save the relationship, gain affection or diffuse conflict.

What if I told you these patterns aren’t even a conscious choice. That they’re actually the behavioural effects of your nervous system trying to cope with a lack of safety and security.

Meet Fawn. One of our many and very useful stress responses.  

In a pinch, it can help you out of a sticky situation but for many women and femme-presenting people, it's an all too familiar feature in intimate relationships.  

Over time, fawn eats away at your confidence and self-trust and silences your voice, making you ignore your instincts, repress your authenticity, and go along with things to keep the peace.  

This game-changing book takes an in-depth look at fawning during sex & intimacy.

It looks at all the biopsychosocial nuances of hierarchical gender dynamics that predispose women to self-censoring and people-pleasing, calling into question many of our conventional understandings around consent.

Chapters you'll love:

  • Pleasure & Your Nervous System
  • The Red Flag Mystery
  • The Grey Area of Consent
  • Authentic Sexuality for the Win
  • Pleasure-Informed Intimacy
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About the Author

Nischa Heron Phair is a writer, dancer, somatics researcher and pleasure educator. She has been a trauma-informed embodiment coach for 14 years, and has held space for thousands of students and clients in that time. 

Nischa initially began studying the connections between fawning and intimacy in 2016 to better understand her own experiences. She has worked almost exclusively with female survivors and those recovering from painful dating histories to help them unlearn fawning and heal their relationships to pleasure. 

Fawn: When No Looks Like Yes is the first book to ever be written about fawning in the context of sex and consent. In addition to sounding the alarm, Phair attempts to answer the million-dollar question: "how can sex and intimacy thrive in a post-#metoo, post-pandemic world?"

Part exposé, part memoir, part self-study guide, "Fawn" is a rousing call to celebrate our authentic sexuality, and to invite more integrity into our bedrooms and more pleasure into our lives. 

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